“The skills that make for a successful real estate career can also make you an amazing spouse if you're intentional about the relationship,” says Kalan Hubbard.
The Joplin, Mo., real estate broker, and his wife, Jessica, operate several businesses. During a session last month at NAR NXT, The REALTOR® Experience, in Houston, Hubbard shared tips on how succeed at having a successful “business marriage” (i.e., a marriage with someone who also happens to be your business partner). He’s even trademarked a term—“Entrepremarriage”—to describe his methods. But his marital advice is apt regardless of whether you and your spouse work together.
The ‘90/10 Goal’ for a Successful Marriage
It’s not easy to keep a marriage together, and having joint ownership of a real estate business doesn’t help, Hubbard told the NAR NXT audience. That’s because running a business can directly impact—and intensify—common stressors in a marriage, like time management issues, financial worries, poor communication, lack of commitment and one partner not feeling valued.
“The biggest mistake many couples [who are in business together] make is trying to do their marriage just like their parents did,” Hubbard said. Married business partners operate in ”a totally different type of marriage. They need to understand it's going to be different.”
That starts with putting a concerted focus on the connection. Using the analogy of building a bird's nest, he encouraged audience members to follow a “90/10 goal,” in which 90% of their non-business energy, intentions and activities are devoted to understanding and building their partner's half of the nest.
“Build what your partner needs, not what you need,” Hubbard said. “Focus the other 10% on understanding what you need and communicating that to your partner so they can build your side of the nest.”
He also suggested that couples lean on attributes that help them to thrive in their business──such as flexibility and adaptability──to structure the parameters of their marriage.
Embrace New, and Tough, Conversations
Hubbard also recommended applying business principles and tools to marriage. For example, he suggested developing an organizational chart that lays out all the areas of family life, such as:
- Meals
- Social activities
- Bill paying
- Discipline
- Cleaning
- Vacations
Spouses should independently initial the areas where they believe they carry the mental load and put their partner's initial on the items where they think their partner carries the load. Often, he said, when couples compare their charts, they find that they look nothing alike. The exercise sparks new conversations.
“Any brand-new conversation is a win,” Hubbard said.
When problems arise or a tough conversation is needed, Hubbard advises couples to “put the problem out in front, not in the nest,” and “sit shoulder to shoulder to discuss the issue.” That way, couples are resolving the problem together, rather than between two individuals, which can feel confrontational.
Such tactics are similar to those used in difficult conversations with clients, Hubbard said. Say a seller needs to lower the price on a listing. You don’t want the discussion to be a dispute between you and the client; instead, it's one to resolve together as a team with a common goal.
The ability to have tough conversations directly relates to goal achievement—not just in marriage, Hubbard said, but in your relationships with the agents in your brokerage, lenders, and others. “Being able to have these conversations is everything.”
